no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
