dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
