you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
