I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
