I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
