Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
