I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
