i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
