dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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