low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
