What a fucking waste of an outfit
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
