oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
