just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize