I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
