6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
