FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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