She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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