I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
