i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
you had me at cake vodka
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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