just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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