I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize