Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
