plz talk dirty to me
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I did not marry a roomba.
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