Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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