Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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