Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize