i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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