Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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