U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
