Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
