Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
