I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
