weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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