Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
