Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
