Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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