why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
