I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
