I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
