After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Randomize
