Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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