Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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