If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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