You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
