You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
