OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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