We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
