i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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