i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
either way he was missing a nipple.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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