I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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