So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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