he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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