I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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