Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
This is the high leading the old right now
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
