when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
