I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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