I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
