I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
