So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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