The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
