operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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