I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
