Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
