I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
