I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
