he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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