Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
