I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
