My pussy is not your playground.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Enjoy the penises
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
