Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
