i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
