Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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