Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Are my feet made of real feet?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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