she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
