he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
