I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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