I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm always down for nudity.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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