is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I look excited, but its just a facade.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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