yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
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