bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
