who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
