meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
