My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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