I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
