the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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