would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize