I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
