About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
