dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
