I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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