My liver just broke up with me...
I just cut my nipple shaving
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
