Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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