She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
