just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
