Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
we should paint friendship bongs
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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