i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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