lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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