he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
