He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
