You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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