i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This baby is an asshole
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You did what with his pubic hair?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize