Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
